


LIVE

by Ellebearnana



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Depression, Gen, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-06
Updated: 2013-10-06
Packaged: 2017-12-28 14:35:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/993046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellebearnana/pseuds/Ellebearnana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fall is what makes you feel alive. The fall shows you everything you've been through, everything that made you suffer. And in the end all that is gone. Everything. Because you are gone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	LIVE

**Author's Note:**

> IF YOU ARE DEPRESSIVE/SUICIDAL BETTER DON'T READ THIS BECAUSE IT MAY BRING YOU DOWN AND I DON'T WANT ANYBODY TO FEEL REALLY BAD BECAUSE OF MY WORK.  
> SO IF YOU'RE NOT FEELING GOOD DON'T READ THIS, PLEASE.  
> I DON'T WANT ANYBODY TO GET HURT, PHYSICALLY OR PSYCHICALLY.
> 
> I LOVE YOU, DON'T FORGET THAT. YOU ARE AWESOME.

Shivering because of the ice cold wind stroking my neck, I took one step after another. The heavy steal door closed with a loud bang and released another icy wave of wind that hit my back. I startled when it reaches my neck and abruptly spit out a breath, noticing a raindrop smashing on my bare skin, feeling like a sharp needle digging deep inside my flesh. I breathed out loudly, slowly getting closer to the end. I got down on all four and carefully dared a scared glance over the edge. About three hundred feet under me, a crowd of people were watching me, shouting words up to me which didn't reach me, they got wiped away by the wind. My eyes got wetter. I stared at the bunch of people who gave me all their attention. I couldn't see if my parents or 'friends' were there, if they cried, if they were afraid.  
I wasn't. I got up on my feet and looked up to the sky. Suddenly sirens piped up and four cars stopped in front of the house. They're trying so hard. Too hard. But they are too late.

Humans are weird creatures. They see someone suffering, they see them self-harming, slitting up their arms, legs, their veins. They see them trying to cover up their cuts, their scars, their bruises and bumps, their burned skin. They see it. They see everything. Yet they decide to act if they hadn't.  
They're overwhelmed. They don't know what to do. Maybe they want to help, maybe they care.  
But they have no idea what to do. They think too much about it, and then it's too late.  
Do people know why some others are always looking out of the window, flowing in their thoughts, building up an own little world in which they are able to flee whenever it gets too much?  
It is quite obvious. If someone locks himself or herself up in their room, cutting themselves off their social lives, refusing to make contact to anyone because they're afraid it could hurt.  
These people are the strongest people on this planet.  
Most of them probably play with the thought of killing themselves, setting an end to their pain. Yet they are still alive. They may say they don't believe in anything, they may say they don't have any hope.  
But the fact that they're alive shows that they're at least partly lying. They may think that there is no hope, but deep inside them, there is. That's the reason they are alive. Because they do hope. They do hope that everything can get better.  
And if other people only knew how much a simple 'hello' or a small smile affects, they would be much more open minded if it comes to suicidal or depressed people.  
But they don't know how much even little things help.  
Also, in all their thinking, they miss caring about them. Sad people feel rejected and left out, but often their friends only retreat because they're scared. They don't do as much as before with their 'sad friend' because they're frightened of growing too close with them, and then all of the sudden they're gone. 

Why are people so scared of becoming friends with a cutter? With a scarred person?

They're scared.

Why are people retreating if they notice someone falling, losing they're happiness, their hope?

They're afraid.

Why are people letting go their friends when they start having dark thoughts and being suicidal?

They're simply egoistic.  
Not wanting to get sad because of a loss. A loss they could've prevented.

I have been surrounded by this kind of people most of my life. I was one of these sad people. One of these left-outs. One of the scarred girls, one of the girls with cuts on their arms, with tears in their eyes, with dark thoughts in their heads.  
And now it's my turn to stand at the corner to death. I could step back and suffer on, but I could also step forwards and set an end to it all.  
The crowd got louder, and I heard quiet steps behind me. They were coming up here. They were coming up to get me, to comfort me, to tell me everything's okay. But I knew it wasn't. Once again I took a look at the people standing under me. Yes, I got all their attention. It was new. It was awesome. Yet scary.  
Once in a lifetime, everybody cared.

I wiped away a small tear that made its way down my cheek and held my foot over the edge, into the sky. There was no ground under it. If I leaned forward now, I would fall into my final peace. 

 

I took a last deep breath, and right as the door behind me flew open and the policemen stormed out, I jumped.  
The last words she whispered were simple.

 

 

“I'm sorry.”


End file.
